(:

Ive been the happiest I have been in a really long time. Its crazy I love my new friends and I keep making more. I enjoy the people I hang out with and have fun its just nice to not have to worry about walking on eggshells when Im also trying to have a good time. The boyfriend he makes me the happiest, honestly Im in love I know its crazy we havent even been together for a month but I know already that Im in love and that hes perfect. The best thing about him is hes very easy going and is calm about everything he knows exactly what to do to pick me up and make me not worry soo much. I know that I have never felt this way with anyone before because I always want to be with him, I always hated those girls who always wanted to be with their boyfriends and I swore I never was going to turn into one but Im afraid I might. The bad thing is he leaves in September for the Navy =/ but I still have all summer to be with him and be happy. One thing that this does make me think about is my virginity I wish I waited until I was in love and not with some guy at a party, BIG MISTAKE! Oh well Im in love and Im the happiest I will be Summer 2010 will be great.

This would happen to me.

I cant do anything in my life without it being a production.

Exibit A: Today while running I got hit by a car. Im okay.

You got a fast car But is it fast enough so you can fly away You gotta make a decision You leave tonight or live and die this way

I really could use spring break only one week. Wooo!Not that I really have any one to hang out with over break blah.

I went to my godmothers surprise party last night and it was sooo much fun, but at the same time I realized some depressing things.
1. No matter how important people are to you and how much they mean to you they will let you down.
2. My mom has an awesome group of high school friends who are like a second family to me and will do anything for me. Im afraid I wont have that because I really only talk to one person from the group of friends I had in high school and I only graduated two years ago.
3. I dont think my aunt understands how much I love her and how much it affects me when she drinks a lot, and not every once in awhile but more than she should. I dont even know theres so much I could say here.
4. I will probably never find somebody who loves me more than my family and all of my parents friends who are like family to me will. Nor will I find anyone to love me like my stepdad loves my mom and Kevin loves Kimmy (my godparents) and all of the other happy couples that were there.
5. ... Idk I have soo much on my mind I could go on. but I have homework.

Fading.

Im overwhelmed and tired. I dont even know whats wrong with me I might be sick, I have been like really really hot lately and everyone else is like its sooo cold and Im like no Im hot. Oh well Im just gonna ignore it and hopefully it will go away. I feel like Im falling into a bigger pile of homework which is making me drift socially. This girl who is like obsessed with trying to get me and Paul together. (since Liz is like the only one who reads this she knows) She told me today that she bumped into him at a party over the weekend they talked and she said "you and Kaela would be cute together" she said he agreed. So what I dont get is why hasnt he like done anything about it. I told her that I just want things to work themselves out that I didnt personally want to put much effort into it. I think I realized why I really want it that way is because I feel like if he tries hard and puts the effort out there than things will work better and last longer. Because I really like him he makes me laugh and hes really nice and Im just really comfortable with him. I guess we will just see what happens. But I dont even know when Im going to have time for a boyfriend. My life is so crazy and when I do get a break from all of it all I want to do is sleep. Thats causing me to drift away from everyone thats important like I honestly cant remember the last time I hung out with Katelyn. I miss her a lot, she has been one of my best friends. Shes always been there for me and shes really fun to be around. Theres just a lot to love. I dont know I just need therapy I think, I wont get it but I should. Ugh

7th Heaven
When I see their happy faces,
smilin' back at me...
7th heaven
I know there's no greater feelin' than the love of family
Where can you go
When The world don't treat you right?
The answer is home!!!!!!!!!
That's the one place that you'll find,
7th heaven.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
7th Heaven
7th heaven

rambles.

1. My friend told me today that Im five years old at heart! Ha I so believe it I went to see Nemo on ice today. I was so happy way more excited than my three year old sister, I got a nemo hat and mug.

2. Today at dinner we bumped into girls from school reason why I know Im in a trance they were there the whole time and I didnt see them at the table over for 20 minutes. Things then got awkward I wish I never saw them.

3. I have 3 exams on Wednesday, 4 if I decide on taking my online exam. It really depends how I feel that day. One Im not worried which is Brit Lit at all the teacher said it should be cake if you participate in class and do all the reading which I have done. Another one Im sort of not worried about which would be my women studies class is mostly history type things and sense Im really into the class I think I should be fine. Schools in American Culture can go either way I think. I need to study my hardest for that one, I know it.

4. I have this weird like organization thing going on I dont know like I want everything to be in order and stuff. Maybe its because I spend a lot more time in my room and stuff like that.

5. Im sad the Olympics end in four days but I cant wait for Parent Hood to start. :D

I dont know what else I have homework to do. =/

Blahh =/

Im sooo moody lately. I dont quite get it. Most of the time Im just so tired. I get stressed easily. I also think I have forgotten how to cry, and how to have fun. I barely laugh anymore, which is very weird I used to not me able to stop. I need a break from school I think that is the biggest drag on my life right now. Only a few more weeks. I feel like lately in school Im doing much better since Im not speaking to any of my friends (for reasons unknown), but at the same time I feel like Im going day by day in a trance like nothing is going on or I barely pay attention to any of it. I feel like everyone else notices it especially when one of my ex-boyfriends sent me a message saying “dont fade away..”, I havent talked to him in a while so I hoping thats what he meant by it, unless I really am obviously fading or something of the sorts. Its like Im being very self centered and the only thing on my mind are my own troubles and nothing else is worth my time. I cant help but wonder how much more I can take of this how much longer Im going to be able to go on just living in my trance before everything really gets to me and I break down. As much as I want a break from school I think that will be when I crash, because I will have nothing else to do or worry about. Maybe I need to though, maybe I just need to let my body break down and then I can actually relax. I just dont know anymore. =/

New car : Ford Focus.

My mom just told me I need to get a new car ugh. I love my little Camry but I really like the Ford Focus. And I found one same price range as my Camry was and its a 2002 so Im hoping it will work out. This is it.

http://www.moreautobuyer.com/LargePhoto.asp?vid=46270

Ryaaaan <3

So I got to talk to Ryan for a little bit on AIM it was nice it was short like 5 min. I miss him soo much. I asked him how he was doing and other than wanting to be home with us hes doing good soo Im happy. I dont get to talk to him much but when I do its very hard to say bye when he has to go.

Lets see work wasnt bad. I was bitter, Kevin came in with a bunch of his friends. I am and Im ready to move on but you know it still sucks seeing him and how much he has changed is such short time. I guess thats what college does to you, he didnt seem phased by seeing me. He must have figured I would be there or is he really that heartless that it didnt bug him at all. It clearly bugged me I was in grill so I didnt really have to deal with him but I got all freaked I dont know I guess he still has a little bit of my heart. Then Katelyn was there thank god I love her I wish we hung out more. But she let me vent to her about how much I hated him, she agrees hes changed soo much. I think my manager was suprised to see me say one rotten thing about somebody since Im usually level headed in front of her anyways. The one good thing about seeing him was seeing how is life was going down hill since me. Like he has a nasty beard, he thinks hes the shit (clearly hes not), and hes wasting his life bye smoking pot (really cool).

Lets see what else. I really dont want break to end I love spending all this time with my friends, I have felt happier than I have in the past year in just the past few weeks with them. Although the only one really leaving is Liz but still thats really sad ): I love Liz. I love her enough to endure the cold to take cute snow pictures, which came out awesome. Luckily though Karissa and Laura will be staying in town so I wont go completely crazy.

Alsoo I cant believe Im going to Europe on Friday .. So unreal still. I need to pack tomorrow SOOOOOO EXCITEDD!!!! <3>

Daddy and Ryann <3

So clearly Nicholas Sparks is one of the best writers ever, he also writes the most depressing books in the world Im probably going to cry myself to sleep its fine.

For some reason how much I miss my dad is hitting me now. Also my brother. Ive been crying for them they are both safe which helps but still they arent home with me. The holidays werent that bad but I dont think I really had time to think about how they werent around. But now I do and its hitting me really hard. I just want them both home soon.

I will write more tomorrow Im just so tired.

2010

HAPPY NEW YEARS GUYSS!

Lets see I just hope this year is so much better than next.

These are things I want to experience not really resolutions:

- Id like to fall in love with LONDON and PARIS... one week (:

- Get really really really good grades.

- Fall in love.

- See Something Corporate (since they got back together)

- See The Starting Line (since they got back together)

- Go to Warped Tour and Bamboozle.

- See Paramore, Taylor Swift.

- Countryfest.

- Find a new job?